Do you have a favorite?
RULES OF LIFE AS THEY ACTUALLY ARE
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative onthe same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
6. The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
19. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
20. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
21. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
23. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
24. You should not confuse your career with your life.
25. Never lick a steak knife.
26. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
27. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that deep down inside, we ALL believe we are good
drivers.
1 comment:
Definitely: never date a man who is rude to the waiters, and never date a man who plays air guitar and does the lower lip bite as he "plays." Oh, and tip as though you served the meal.
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